You walked into a book store, without even the slightest interest in buying a book because you just figured if your happy ending isn’t gonna find you any time soon, then you will just do whatever Meg Ryan does in any movie and it will work out. But nothing happened inside that book store except the acne faced worker asking if you needed help finding anything specific since he had noticed you staring blankly in the middle of the room like you needed something. And you wanted to say, “Yeah, I frickin’ need something! I need the feeling of someone’s warm body next to mine! I need to hear a voice in the morning other than my own! I need someone’s touch!!!” And then you were politely asked to please leave. You got in your car and passively put on an Adele song on your ipod, thinking you could fool yourself into thinking it was an accident. But then “Someone Like You” started playing and it actually made you think for a moment that you should text your ex boyfriend. It like, convinced you that he missed you and that this was the right time to reach out.

I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks accidentally and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.